It’s Just A
Bunch Of Hocus Pocus
Werewolves.
Witches. Hobgoblins. All creatures that anyone inclined toward the supernatural
learn to look out for as we creep closer to All Hallows’ Eve. But 20 years ago,
a movie gave us something else to be afraid of when the full moon looms
overhead: Virgins with lighters.
That’s right: Hocus Pocus was released two
decades ago, and we’re all getting old. A feeling Winifred Sanderson and her
sisters can sympathize with, seeing as they went through all the trouble of
collecting dead men’s toes and biting off pieces of their own tongues to
conjure a literally life-sucking potion.
Yet even child homicide doesn’t
prevent Winnie, Mary, and Sarah from being the most beloved witches in pop
culture (give or take a Sabrina). And can we be blamed for loving them so? Bette
Midler’s over-the-top campy goodness as Winifred can only—just maybe--be
matched by Jessica Lange’s work on American Horror Story. Then you have Sarah
Jessica Parker’s sultry idiot Sarah with her inability to see a boy without
throwing her hands on her chest, and Kathy Najimy’s dumb-yet-dutiful Mary,
riding a vacuum cleaner and being inexplicably and hilariously part dog. Of
course I could spend days talking of the glories of the Sandersons, but let’s
get back to that virgin with the zippo.
Max Dennison’s California, laid-back,
tied-dyed point of view is apparently “keep it in your pants until Allison and
her Yabos put out” and everyone makes sure we remember it. Seriously, take a
drink every time someone says “virgin” with a strange hint of disgust and you’ll
be drunk before you can say “I Put A Spell On You.”
Even little sister Dani—played
by Thora Birch, now 31, with an impressive set of Yabos of her own—can’t hide
her disdain for her brother’s status. “What happened?” “A VIRGIN…lit the
candle.” Thackery Binx, that mangy feline, spends his eternal life protecting
the candle from “Airhead virgins” yet puts the blame on them when he finally
reunites with his ghost sister who wants an explanation for his centuries-long
stint eating sewer mice. “Sorry, Emily, I had to wait 300 years for a VIRGIN to
light a candle.” It’s a bit contradictory and a weird message to put into a
Disney movie, but hey, it was the Nineties.
Besides virgin-shaming and multiple
attempted child homicides, Hocus Pocus has all the classic Halloween tropes and
then some: black cats, cauldrons, spell books, bullies stealing candy (ICE!), jack-o-lanterns
on haystacks, a mom in a Madonna costume, THE DEVIL HIMSELF (sort of), even a
Zombie! It also ages pretty well--much to Winnie’s delight I’m sure--and is
entertaining as ever, as people from the past flung into the strange world of
sprinkler systems, firemen, and city buses is never not funny. And I didn’t
even get to touch on the majesty of the musical number. It may not be as
quotable as Mean Girls, but it is definitely up there on that list, seeing as I
find every opportunity to say “Dost thou comprehend?”, “Tis FIRM!”, “Oh, look.
Another glorious morning. Makes me SICK!” (reserved for Mondays), and the coup de grace of “AMUK!
AMUK AMUK AMUK AMUK!”
So, what are your favorite quotes and moments? Let me
know on Twitter @a_ferretti25! Hocus Pocus will be on ABCFamily the nights of
10/26 and 10/27. Have a Happy Halloween. Watch out for virgins.
Here's a link to the university's webpage version. http://www.dailycampus.com/focus/nostalgia-101-the-wonders-of-the-90-s-a-bunch-of-hocus-pocus-1.3097284#.UmXNE_l4w_g
Here's a link to the university's webpage version. http://www.dailycampus.com/focus/nostalgia-101-the-wonders-of-the-90-s-a-bunch-of-hocus-pocus-1.3097284#.UmXNE_l4w_g
